22/06/2013

horse walks into a bar....

.....barman says "why the long face?"

Is this the funniest joke in the world?  Well my brother laughs after just the first line: every. single. time.

I thought a horse related post was in order to honour the horsey madness in my village this week.

Thing is though, I hate horses.

Yep, I hate the long faced buggers.  I reckon this antagonistic approach to the equine might set me on the road to hell but I don't care, they are big and sweaty and unpredictable as the British summertime.

Oh and one kicked me once, hard.  Right in the thigh, never felt such pain in my life, and I have given birth without painkillers so I think that gives me the right to make bold statements about the finer points of agony!

So it is with some small degree of amusement that this horse, yes this horse here with the blue shoes on, is intent on making me be its bloody friend.

I walk past these guys every day to take Tilly to the park, and every single day, Mr Blue Shoes gets all excited and runs over to see me.  I'm not kidding, he's all trot, trot, trot and "HIYAAA!".

He leans against the fence as far as his giant body will allow begging me to give him a pat, I meanwhile have moved to the far side of the track trying to get as much space between me and the beast as possible.

Some days I'll say something in a nervy little voice like "hi horse" or "you're nice" - I don't mean it, I just think its a better plan of action to pretend I'm not scared even though I'm pooing my pants that he could quite easily jump the fence and trample all over me.

I'm not completely heartless I do think his affectionate nature is quite cute, I feel a bit mean that I don't give him any love because he obviously craves it.  I saw his owners walking down to bring him in from the paddock the other day and he went crazy happy, dancing all over the place and that did make my heart go all flippy.  But in hindsight I realise this was because he wasn't paying any attention to me and I could walk past without fear of horse attack!!

It is also strange that my favourite dress, my absolute favourite dress of all time has horses on it.  Yep a horse patterned dress.


neigh! dress from great plains 2012 : similar here, here and here

Bloody horses get everywhere, even into my wardrobe.  It must be an Ascot thing, maybe I should move.



10 comments:

  1. you made me laugh out loud!!!!
    happy weekend, xxxx Ale

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  2. Hahaha, just like cats will jump on the lap of someone who hates cats! ( like my granddad for example...)
    By the way: I want those shoes too, they are super...are they clogs? Uhh..., the red ones I mean, not the blue ones...;-)
    See you!

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    Replies
    1. Yes they are Lotta from Stockholm clogs, I heart them, here is the link to her shop (much cheaper than the Swedish Hasbeens which are REALLY expensive but really lovely too) http://www.lottafromstockholm.co.uk/
      Have a great weekend xx

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    2. Thanks! I really like them. My husband thinks their hidious... But that never stopped me from buying things before ;-)

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    3. Yes my husband thinks they are hideous too...ha hahaa so WHAT!! we love them, that's all that counts...xxx

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    4. Errr... I seem to remember that a certain husband actually bought those clogs for a certain lady as a present!? Would I ever intentionally buy anything hideous for my beautiful wife?? (well, apart from that silk scarf up picked up in Paris when I was obviously hideously jetlagged)... :)

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  3. You are funny, not when you got kicked though that is not funny! Sarah x;

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  4. I just woke up. I was dreaming that I was being chased by a bull and some horses. I'm not kidding. But your post made me laugh!
    Have a good day!

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    Replies
    1. Hahahaa this made me laugh. Did you really dream that???? How strange you are :o) xxxx

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  5. I like horses, it's cows that freak me out, and I live surrounded by the blighters! Fab clogs :)

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